Caray: Hey Norm, you look a lot hotter than last time. Did you lose weight?
Anna: No, Dr. Caray, you ask me that every week....I haven't lost any weight. I'm Anna Paquin I have been your patient now for 3 and a half years.
Caray: Oh! Cuz you look a bit bolemish, Norm.
Anna: (awkwardly giggles) oh....um....no I told you its been years since that period of my life....I'm totally over that now (looks down embarrassed).
Caray: Last time you were here you were telling me you feel different than other people.
Anna: Lately I have been able to hear people's thoughts....it's so disturbing. Every guy I meet; I can hear all of his inner most thoughts. And let me tell you, they all think very very dirty thoughts about me.
Caray: wow....paranoid schizophrenic delusions......I've had those a few times. Just drink some warm milk, take a long bath, and you'll be right as peaches in the summer.
Anna: (eyes begin to tear up) no its real I swear. I can prove it. Think about anything and ill tell you what you're thinking.
Caray: (thinks about what it would be like if Anna were a hot dog. Thinks he would smother her in brown mustard and relish. Thinks she would be delicious.) My minds a total blank......I just cant think of anything.
Anna: Just like I suspected. Like every other man you were thinking dirty thoughts about me.
Caray: Hey.......if eating a hot dog is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Anna: Hot dog?!?!?! don't try and cover it up. You were thinking of ripping off my clothes and ravaging my creamy naked body. Thrusting your way into my tight nether-regions against my fighting outstretched arms. You want me just like every man I've ever met before. So what do you have to say for yourself, Doctor?
Caray: Well that sounds like a dandy of a Sunday you have planned. Myself, I have a special weekend psycho-therapy session with Isaac Hayes. I'm planning on going on an old fashioned horse and buggy ride where he can serenade me with beautiful rhythmic songs that make me want to make sweet lovin'.
(secretary walks in and whispers something in Harry Caray's ear)
Caray: Apparently Isaac Hayes is dead. I guess I'll be taking a horse and buggy for one. (makes sad pouty face)
Anna: Stop changing the subject. I hope you never have anyone to ride in your horse and buggy after those gross thoughts about me.
Caray: Eating a hotdog is gross? So your a vegetarian?
Anna: I am not a vegetarian.......I can hear your thoughts and they are highly offensive.
Caray: Glad to hear you're not a vegetarian.......I would have had to start eating twice as much meat to make up for what you don't eat. I can't stand animals. We need to all do our part to get rid of them. So happy you agree. So what am I thinking now? (thinks about what the moon would taste like. Thinks most people think it tastes like cheese. Thinks it probably tastes like barbecue spare ribs. Thinks about if he could get a ride on a Chinese spaceship to the moon so he can finally find out. Thinks Chinese people's feet are too small and decides it would creep him out.)
Anna: Well you certainly have a dirty mind. I don't even know if I can utter what you just thought because it was so dirty, but here goes. You were thinking what it would be like to watch me and another woman go ass to ass with a......(looks around. whispers) dildo!Caray: I had a cat named Dildo once. HEY.........Hey, Norm you're not losing it on me are you? I don't think I can continue this if you're gonna go all psycho on me. I will defend myself if I have to. I'll come at you like a tornado of arms and fingernails and teeth.
Anna: What? that's preposterous you are my psycho-therapist. Isn't that your job?
Caray: I'm really not sure.....Well that's all the time we have for today....join us next week when we discuss Anna's childhood sexual abuse! CUBS WIN! CU........
Anna: what?!?!?!?!?!?! I was never molesteded........this is rediculous.......
Caray: CUBS WIN! CUBS WIN!
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